


'til my heartaches end

by slytherbyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Escapism, Introspection, M/M, Moving On, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soul-Searching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 05:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherbyun/pseuds/slytherbyun
Summary: Kyungsoo's rewarded vacation was the perfect opportunities to put his feelings to rest.





	1. airports, goodbyes, and birthdays

**Author's Note:**

> For Mibel who came up with this prompt.
> 
> This is my way of coping, and I'm sorry if it comes out a bit trashy.

Standing inside the airport, Kyungsoo couldn’t believe that he was going on vacation. As someone who was working non-stop for seven years, needless to say, everyone thought he deserved it. He worked hard both as an EXO member and as an actor. The group was doing good on the charts, his drama did well and got good ratings, his movies were big hits. EXO’s comeback was very successful, and they gained a larger following since the release of Tempo and Love Shot. He couldn’t ask for anything more when it comes to his career.

 

If anything, he wanted to take all the members with him and go on vacation. Everyone deserved a break once in a while. Even though they did go to Hawaii, they had to work and film there as well. It would have been nice to go on a group vacation without any form of work looming over their heads. There was, of course, one other reason why he wanted to go on vacation alone.

 

“Are you sure you’ll be alright alone?” Junmyeon asked him, carrying Kyungsoo’s luggage along with him. Behind the leader were Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Minseok, wanting to come along to drop Kyungsoo off at the airport.

 

“I’m sure,” he replied, not giving anyone a second glance. “It would be different without you fussing over me though.”

 

Chanyeol caught up to him to playfully slap his arm. “I’m jealous of you. Three days without a nagging Junmyeon-hyung? Sign me up!”

 

He could hear Baekhyun and Chanyeol giggling behind him. Junmyeon probably gave them a glare that made them shut up.

 

“I’m gonna miss his nagging, though.”

 

“Psh, it’s not like you’ll be gone forever,” Baekhyun said. “You’ll be back before you know it, and hyung will nag you to no end!”

 

His friends laugh at Baekhyun’s joke, but he just stood in front of the check-in area. He didn’t dare move. He heard the excited people getting their stuff checked in, talking incessantly about the trip they woild go on, but here he was, travelling alone without anyone to share the journey with. It was scary. It was difficult to be alone in a foreign country for a few days, and do everything alone. No one would take his photos, no one would talk about the sights with him, no one would go out and enjoy the food with him. This is just Kyungsoo’s trip, and Kyungsoo is scared.

 

What scares him the most is that the person he wants to share this journey with isn’t with him, and can’t be with him.

 

“Kyungsoo, what’s wrong?” Minseok asked, worried about Kyungsoo who has not moved from his spot since they reached the area. This has Kyungsoo snapping out of his thoughts, and looked to his hyungs.

 

“Nothing’s wrong. I can’t believe I’m just doing this alone, that’s all,” he told his hyungs to make them feel at ease about him leaving--even when deep down inside, he just wants to call the trip off and cry.

 

“You’ll be fine, Soo!” Baekhyun wrapped his arms around him, trapping him in a tight hug. “You could use the time off to relax and…”

 

“Get your mind off of work for a while,” Minseok finished Baekhyun’s sentence, seeing as Kyungsoo already had that somber look on his face.

 

“Besides, you can video call us anytime!” Chanyeol put his arm around Kyungsoo and pulled him closer. “Have fun, but not too much fun, okay?”

 

Kyungsoo playfully pushed Chanyeol’s arm off of him, earning a glare from the younger member. Minseok just gave him a hug, reminding him to take care of himself and to call if anything goes wrong.

 

Junmyeon then walked over to Kyungsoo and handed him his luggage. He knew that the leader was reluctant to let him go on his own, mostly because of what was happening with him, but he knew he needed this time off to sort himself out and try to make sense of everything that was happening.

 

“Take care of yourself, okay? If you need any of us to accompany you, call us and I’ll book a flight for them. Eat, enjoy, see the sights, have fun, okay?” his hyung said, gripping his shoulders, making it seem like Junmyeon was afraid to let Kyungsoo go alone.

 

“I’ll be fine, hyung. I’ll do my best to enjoy myself,” Kyungsoo said, giving his hyung a tight hug. Even if Junmyeon can be overbearing, he appreciates him a lot, especially in moments like these.

 

Kyungsoo turned to face his friends with a smile. “I’ll go now, hyungs. Bye!”

 

His friends waved back, not wanting to attract that much attention already when they know there might be some fansites or fans watching them. While his friends were standing there waiting for him to get fully checked in, Kyungsoo walks to the counter.

 

~•~•~•~•~

 

**Kim Jongdae**

_ Sorry we can’t be there to see you off. Have fun on your trip, okay? Take photos and eat a lot! Tell me all about it when you get back. :) xx _

 

**THE COOLEST MAKNAE EVER**

_ Have a safe trip, hyung! We’re going to miss your cooking. I hope Chanyeol hyung can live up to our standards. HAHAHA kidding aside, I hope you have an amazing time. :) _

 

The other members who weren’t able to come see Kyungsoo off sent their messages and wished him the best on his trip. Yixing has already called him the night before to check up on him and if he had packed all of his stuff already. He wished him well on his trip, and they updated each other on what was happening in their lives.

 

Kyungsoo put his headphones on, and listened to music. His go-to artist as of late was Ed Sheeran. He has always liked his music since the beginning, but his voice holds so much comfort in this situation he’s in.

 

_ Walking down 29th and Park _

_ Saw you in another’s arms _

_ Only-- _

 

He switched the music to something more upbeat. Castle On A Hill played, and Kyungsoo felt at peace once more (or at least, the closest to peace he could be). While he was waiting for his flight, he just closed his eyes and let the music take him on a ride.

 

He was interrupted by his phone vibrating like crazy in his pocket. He quickly fished it out to see who texted him, worried that it might be Junmyeon.

 

**Nini~**

_ Hyuuuung~ _

_ Have fun on your trip okay? _

_ I wish we could celebrate our birthday together like we always do, but you deserve the solo vacation. I’ll see you when you get back!~ xD _

 

God, how was it very difficult to breathe all of a sudden? Kyungsoo wished he never opened his phone to check his messages. His heart was beating so fast, and he could feel the tears coming out from his eyes, streaming down his face. He wished he could tell him that he could come, that they could celebrate their birthdays together, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

 

It especially wouldn’t be fair to  **his** girlfriend.

 

He willed to not think of  **him** . He couldn’t bear to think of the man who he loves more than life itself. He’s always loved him, since they were starting out as a group. He just didn’t want to say anything because he was afraid of ruining the whole group dynamic. Now, he won’t be able to tell him how he feels because someone else can shower him with love and affection more openly than he ever can.

 

His mind went back to the day the group found out that he would be taking a solo vacation this January.

 

_ “With the success of 100 Days My Prince and Swing Kids, the company decided to give Kyungsoo a break. He can take only one person, but not everyone because of rehearsals,” Youngmin announced to the boys in the living room of the dorm. _

 

_ Congratulations were heard all across the room. The members were genuinely happy for Kyungsoo, because he does deserve a break. He became more busy when he started acting, and after various successes, it was fitting that his efforts were rewarded. _

 

_ “Not to put you on the spot, but will you be taking anyone with you, Soo?” their manager asked him. _

 

_ “No,” he immediately responded. “I want to try going on a trip by myself for my birthday.” _

 

_ Beside him, Jongin was pouting. He probably felt cheated because it has been a tradition that they celebrate their birthdays together. Since Jongin’s birthday falls on the 14th, and Kyungsoo’s on the 12th, they both celebrate their birthdays together around that time. _

 

_ “What are you pouting for?” he casually asked Jongin, feigning ignorance. _

 

_ “We always celebrate our birthdays together, hyung.” _

 

_ Kyungsoo just touched his hand, trying to console the younger one. “Just let me have this, okay? Just this once.” _

 

_ (Just this once, so that I can be able to put on a straight face when the news of you and your girlfriend comes out. Just this once, so that when I come back, I can put a smile on my face when we do our activities together. Just this once, so that I can put these feelings to rest.) _


	2. malls, ferris wheels, and selcas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew a ferris wheel ride could end badly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's day 1 of Kyungsoo's soul-searching adventure in Manila! :)
> 
> Listen to: Stone Cold by Demi Lovato

When Kyungsoo arrived in Manila, he could see the charm of this city that made them fall in love with it when they first came here. Manila had its hidden beauty beneath the disorganization the came with it. It somehow mirrors his life right now. He was aware that not a lot of people could see what was with Manila, and they were confused with what made him want to come here in the first place.

 

Manila is a historical city that still has so much scars to heal from. She had stories that even a lot of people are surprised that she went through those. She had been a victim to colonizers and was part of those damaged during the wars, but here she was: healing. Manila made it look easy, still preserving some of its beauty even with the intense traffic, unnecessary road construction, and a bad political situation (that he only heard through social media).

 

Yes, Manila is scary, but Manila is healing. Somehow, he wished Manila could help him heal too.

 

Chanyeol and Sehun were the ones who suggested for him to go to the Philippines. Chanyeol was pitching for either Bohol or Boracay for the beaches, while Sehun was the one who told him to stay inside the metro area.

 

_“But beaches!” Chanyeol argued with Sehun about where Kyungsoo should go to._

 

_“The city IS calming, I’ll have you know. I stayed in Taguig, and I just roamed around aimlessly,” Sehun came to the defense of the city he visited when he took a secret vacation in the foreign country as well._

 

_Kyungsoo just shook his head and looked for pictures of the Philippines on his laptop. Sure, there were good sights and beaches, but he didn’t want to travel that far. He wanted to just be somewhere far; far from the eyes of the media, far from the eyes of his members._

 

_As he booked his flight for Manila, he was already annoyed by the discussion Sehun and Chanyeol were having. To annoy the two further, he simply said “I’m staying in Manila, now can you two shut up already?”_

 

It was 5:00pm here, and he ordered room service for his food. Chanyeol suggested that he eats Sinigang (a sour soup) since it’s one of the famous delicacies in the Philippines. His hyung did not disappoint him. It was a delicious viand that warmed him up amidst the coldness of his life. The sourness was refreshing from the sweet and spicy dishes of South Korea. He paired it with pork _sisig_ because Sehun suggested that he do so. _I’m going to need to learn how to cook these dishes for my members back home._

 

After eating, Kyungsoo just arranged his clothes and his bed. He decided to check his phone for messages from his members, especially from Junmyeon, and to let them know that he’s arrived safely in Manila.

 

**Christian D.O**

_I’m here, in one piece, and I’ve eaten dinner._

 

**Super Leader Hyung**

_Thank goodness you weren’t mobbed._

_We were checking Twitter for news about you, and so far no airport pictures nor flight details have come out._

_Rest well, okay?_

 

**Fairy Ears**

_What did you have for dinner, Soo?_

 

**THE COOLEST MAKNAE EVER**

_CHANYEOL HYUNG, COOK DINNER FIRST!! >.< _

 

**Fairy Ears**

_I thought we were getting take-out?_

_Jongin said he wanted some chicken :p_

 

**Bobohu the Cutie**

_CHANYEOL, GO BUY THE FOOD!_

_Soo dear, you’ve eaten? Did you eat well? Have you had fan encounters?_

 

**Christian D.O**

_No fan encounters yet, but I get the feeling that if ever there will be, it’s not as crazy._

_Sehun told me that when he was spotted, they just asked for pictures and went on their way_

_So I’m not as nervous._

 

**Nini~**

_You’re already there, hyung? Wow that was fast!!_

_Take care of yourself! :)_

 

**Christian D.O**

_I’ll rest up now, talk to you guys tomorrow. Work hard!_

 

**MinnieMinseok**

_Seriously, someone has got to order food now._

  


Kyungsoo shut his phone and finished unpacking his clothes. The ache was still there, and it probably will be there for quite a while. Seeing his name appear in their chat made his heart flutter once again. _He’s concerned about you because he looks at you as his older brother. Get over yourself._

 

The only show that piqued Kyungsoo’s interest was Masterchef. Even back home, he would look for cooking videos by Gordon Ramsay and try to study the recipes. He let the TV drown the voices inside his head, reminding him of the reason why he’s in Manila in the first place.

 

He needs to be able to try to move on.

 

~•~•~•~•~

 

The morning that came after made Kyungsoo excited. Sure, he had some normal stuff planned like going to the biggest mall in the country and going on arguably one of the biggest ferris wheel in the country, but he was very excited to do all of it alone; anything to keep **him** out of his mind.

 

He got dressed quickly, just wearing a simple white shirt and jeans. He knew that it would be a bit cold around this time, so he had a black hoodie wrapped around his waist. He brought a face mask in his bag in case he was spotted. When Taehyun, his bodyguard, came into the room, he asked Kyungsoo if he wanted him to drive him to the mall.

 

“No, I want to book a Grab instead,” he told his bodyguard. “I want to experience commuting in Manila, but since I can’t go on public transportation, Grab is the next best thing.”

 

“If you say so,” Taehyun obliged, getting his bag ready as well. “I’ll still be going to the mall to roam around and be on stand-by in case something happens to you.”

 

That’s how Kyungsoo ended up going to the Mall of Asia in a Grab car. Apparently, Uber didn’t exist in the Philippines because Grab bought it? He got confused with his Grab driver’s explanation, but it was alright. Being in the car without his bodyguard allowed Kyungsoo to look at the surroundings, and soak in Manila’s beauty once more.

 

When he saw the big globe, he knew they were near. EXO held two solo concerts at the Mall Of Asia Arena, and an MBC Show Champion stage there, so the area was very familiar to him. However, in the three times he has been here with the members, they didn’t get the opportunity to roam around the mall freely. He wanted to take the opportunity to look around and go sightseeing. He might even go shopping for souvenirs for the members waiting for him back home.

 

The mall offered a change in scenery. Kyungsoo was amazed at how big it was, and how it incorporated the beauty of the outdoors. He could see a lot of foreigners here as well, probably because the bigger hotels were located near here. He had to check the directory and ask for directions because he would get lost every time he decided to go somewhere. Thankfully, the company let him bring Taehyun, who was a bit far from him, but near enough to stop a mob in case one would ensue. He ended up eating at an _Inasal_ place to try other Filipino food.

 

After roaming around the mall and buying some stuff for the members from _Kultura_ , Kyungsoo decided to head to the MOA Eye. According to articles he read online, this ferris wheel was actually inspired by the one in London. He’s always adored ferris wheels because it allowed him to take a few minutes to look around and admire the view. He only rode the ferris wheels back home a few times, and most of those few times, the members were there with him. It’s definitely different going alone.

 

He bought his ticket and lined up. He saw a lot of couples lined up with, but there were also families and groups of friends. It made him feel awkward going to the ferris wheel alone; looking around him, everyone had someone with them to go to the ferris wheel with. Even the staff looked at him with sad eyes as he boarded the gondola alone. It didn’t matter though. He needed time alone, and he will get just that.

 

The view was weird, but he appreciated weird. Kyungsoo felt like he saw the whole metro from the top of the ferris wheel. The Manila skyline was just as beautiful as he imagined it to be. Manila was far from perfect, but it was not far from beautiful. He could see the people, the red lights from the cars stuck in traffic, the buildings, and the clouds. _Wow, Manila. You’re a beauty indeed._

 

Kyungsoo took a selca with the view behind him to send to his group members.

 

**Christian D.O**

[Insert ferris wheel selca]

 

**Kim Jongdae**

_Wow! <3 _

_How high up is that?_

 

**Christian D.O**

_I don’t know, but it’s pretty high up._

_The view is beautiful._

 

**Fairy Ears**

_Waaah~_

_I wish we went there when we were in Manila_

 

**Bobohu the Cutie**

_Soo!~ Your selca is cute!!_

_Get an insta account already_

_You too, Dae :/_

 

**Kim Jongdae**

_No thanks, I’m good :p_

 

**Nini~**

_Hyuuuungs!!!_

[Insert selca of Jongin and his girlfriend]

_I’ll be home in a while!!_

 

Kyungsoo immediately closed his phone and gripped his seat. He willed for the tears to not fall, but he was too late. As the gondola descended, he could not look at the view anymore. His thoughts went back to **him** , went back to how happy he was with his girlfriend.

 

_I… I wish I could make you that happy too, Nini._

 

Before the staff could say anything as he opened the door, Kyungsoo ran as fast as he could.

 

He could not stay in this place for one more minute. He needed to go back to his hotel room and cry himself to sleep, just like back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter would be the longer, so watch out for that.
> 
> I'd love it if you let me know what you thought! :)


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